Tell Me You Love Me
by futurebwaystar
Summary: Hanschen and Ernst look back on that night they spent together... Back when everything was perfect...
1. Unbelievably Beautiful

**A/N: This is my first Spring Awakening fic! I'm very excited (and a little nervous) to put this up! I hope you enjoy it! Reviews?**

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**Tell Me You Love Me**

_Hanschen_

_When we look back on this, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful._

I kissed him. I remember feeling this electricity, I never felt this way about anyone before. There was something about him, that made me love him. I hated myself for loving him. I felt vulnerable, I never let anyone see this side of me. This was all just a game, a test to see how easy I could seduce this poor boy. I never thought of loving him in the first place. He was just there for my pleasure until...

"On my way here this afternoon, I thought perhaps, we'd only... talk." There was doubt in his voice. I felt suddenly felt guilty for taking advantage of him.

"So... Are you sorry we-" I needed to make sure he was okay.

"Oh no, I love you Hanschen. As I have never loved anyone." Reassurance.

"And so you should." I regret saying those words to this day. I never told him I loved him.

I sit here wondering what would have happened if I would have given up my pride and told him I loved him. What would've happened if I promised I would never leave him? I had my chance and I wasted it. It's too late now. Now I sit here reminiscing about those times when I was his world, when there was no one else he cared about except for me. For I truly love Ernst Robel, as I have never loved anyone.


	2. I Love You

**A/N: Multi-Chapter fic! Yay, more to come! Enjoy! Reviews?**

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_Ernst_

_Oh no, I love you Hanschen. As I have never loved anyone._

Ernst followed Hanschen's lead. He was lead into a small vineyard, he look around feeling confused and a little scared. What did Hanschen want with him? He rarely talked to him at school, let alone spend time outside of school with him. Hanschen sat down and motioned for Ernst to sit with him. Conversation seemed slow at first, Ernst looked at his shoes nervously. He was too concentrated on saying the right thing that he didn't notice Hanschen coming closer and eventually sitting very close to him. He was so nervous he didn't really _listen_ to anything Hanschen said. Suddenly Hanschen pressed his lips against Ernst's.

"Oh God," Ernst shrieked.

"Mmm… I know. When we look back on this, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful," said Hanschen.

Ernst didn't know what to feel. He was just confused, though he wasn't scared anymore. He knew he was safe. Those moments flew by so fast; he didn't realize exactly what he was doing. He kissed Hanschen back. And confessed his love for him.

Ernst sat under the cover of a tree by the side of a road watching the rain fall slowly. What had ever happened to make Hanschen leave him? He wondered what he did wrong to make Hanschen hate him so much. Ernst looked down the road. There stood the vineyard. The same vineyard where Hanschen first kissed him, the same vineyard where Hanschen loved him, the same vineyard where Hanschen told him he hated him, and the same vineyard where Hanschen left him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, a reply from Hanschen. He read it over and over again as tears slowly fell from his eyes.


	3. What You Want

**A/N: New Chapter! :D Enjoy! Reviews?**

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_Hanschen_

"You're eighteen today," said my mother.

"I know," I said quietly.

I put down the book I was reading. _Eighteen_. All I could think about was the time that flew by. I suddenly felt sick.

"Excuse me," I said to my mother.

I got up and walked up our old stairs into my bedroom. God, I hated living here. I needed to get out. I grabbed my old schoolbag from the corner of my room. The next thing I knew I was shoving clothes and other miscellaneous objects into my bag. I made up my mind. I was going to leave this place I called "home". I suddenly thought of my parents. _What would they think?_ I didn't matter anymore. I quickly looked around for a piece of paper I could write a note on. I flung open a drawer next to my bed and frantically searched for something to write on. I felt a crumpled piece of paper at the back. I took it out of the drawer and flattened it. _What can I tell them? _Before I could write my letter, I realized there was something already written on the paper. It was a letter.

"_Hanschen,_

_I trust that Anna was able to get this letter to you safely. I know I can never see you again. But do you really think that moving away solves any of our problems? Why would it matter to you what your parents say? You out of anyone I know would probably be the last person to let something like that stand between you and what you want. I know what you want, Hanschen. Please don't go away. I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_Ernst Robel._

Suddenly, all of the memories came flooding back. The day when my father found out I was much more interested in other things instead of girls. The day when I told poor Ernst I hated him and would never see him again. The day when I received his letter, and never wrote back. The day when I moved away from home, even though he begged me to stay. The years I spent thinking of Ernst, only to find that I would never be with him again. I thought it out. _Was it too late? _No. He was right. I had to try. I'm going after what I want.


	4. You Were Wrong

**A/N: Oh my goodness… I'm probably the flakiest author on here. Anyway here's a chapter just so it looks like I haven't totally abandoned it. More chapters soon! (Soon as in whenever I get to it, which may be soonish). Enjoy! Reviews?**

_Ernst_

"Ernst? Ernst?" I heard my younger sister calling from inside the house.

I decided to ignore her. She was always calling me for silly reasons. I bet she just wanted me to get a book for her on the top shelf. _She's twelve and perfectly capable of reaching her own book,_ I thought. I sat outside next to my special tree. I've always loved sitting beneath this tree. The tree is not too far from my house. In fact I can see my house from it but he branches covered me perfectly. In the summer it kept away the sun's heat and in the winter it kept away rain. I always wrote my poems, songs, and stories out here. _It's also very private_, I thought. My mind drifted. I thought about the summer nights when I snuck out here to be with _him_. I remembered how he'd always tell me that I could never tell anyone where we were going. He'd say, "Ernst, you mustn't tell anyone where our special place is. If anyone found out we could be caught. We don't want that do we?"

He was right.

"Ernst!" she called again.

I thought for a moment that maybe I should go in and see what see what she was calling about. I started to pack up my notebook but then stopped. It was a nice day outside. I felt the warm summer breeze and leaned against the tree. _It's been nearly two years. If he were going to come back he would have done it already, _I thought. He never even sent me a letter. He cut off any kind of communication. Was that a sign? Maybe it was. Maybe he didn't _want_ me to find him. I felt silly for thinking about him. I mean it has been two years. I don't think about him often. Trust me.

"ERNST!" she practically yelled at me. I sighed.

"What Addie?" I said impatiently.

"Ernst! A friend wants to talk to you!" she called.

A friend? I probably should see who was there. I packed up my notebook and got up. When I got there Addie was waiting impatiently for me.

"I told you someone to come. Now you look rude. You let our guest sit for the longest time. Why wouldn't you come in when I called you?" she whined.

"Just leave it," I said a little too harshly. She looked shocked and hurt. "Sorry, thanks for calling me," I said.

"You better be," said Addie and with that she walked away.

I watched her go and looked at the door that would lead me from the back of the house to the living room. _It's Hanschen_, my mind screamed. I snorted. What a stupid thought. I entered the living room and to my surprise Anna was sitting there.

"Ernst!" she cried.

"Anna, I haven't seen you for ages," I said politely. We were both out of high school by now. Well, at least she was. I had just graduated. She had to be at least nineteen. I was always a year younger than her. _The same year as Hanschen_,I thought. Damn it! I needed to stop thinking about him. To distract me from thinking I quickly blurted, "So why are you here?" I looked at her. "Sorry that was rude," I said looking down at my feet.

She laughed. "I wanted to see an old friend," she said quickly.

I didn't understand. We were never very close. Why would she want to see me? I looked at her trying to figure her out.

"You're lying," I said.

She looked at the floor. "I actually have something for you," she said quietly.

She pulled out a letter. It was crumpled and stained.

"It's from that boy, Hanschen Rilow," she paused waiting for me to say something. I didn't so she continued; "I haven't seen him since we were fifteen. He had to move away because of some strange illness or something, right?"

I couldn't do anything. I just nodded. She held the envelope out to me. I took it gently.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Yeah. Well, I should go. You take care of yourself, Ernst, okay?" she said. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and with that she left.

I felt bad. I knew she had a crush on me when we were kids. She was also the only one to know that I was… Well… Not interested in her, or any of the girls as a matter of fact. I looked down at the letter in my hand. _Oh my god, Hanschen wrote back!_ I couldn't control my thought. At first I was so excited that he actually cared! But then I realized what could be in this letter. It could be bad.

At that moment Addie came downstairs.

"What did your girlfriend want?" she asked in a too-sweet-sarcastic tone.

"She's not my girlfriend," I said firmly. "I have to go. Tell mom that I'll be back soon."

I went back through the door I came in then I took off running. I ran past the tree and the farms. I ran for a long time until I finally found the place I was looking for. I sat down trying to catch my breath. I looked around. The vineyard was empty. I looked down at the letter. I took a deep breath and opened it.

_Ernst,_

_You were right. And you're wrong._

_Sincerely,_

_Hanschen Rilow_

I read the letter over and over again. What did it mean? I sighed and put the letter in my pocket.

On the walk home I thought about what it could mean. That night I lay awake thinking about Hanschen Rilow until my thoughts started to fade and I fell asleep.


End file.
